As President of the Wise Colin’s Fish Hall of Fame I wish to announce a new book award – the WC Award (Wise Colin – not water closet).
This award is open to fish only. There is no prize money. I am but a poor Zen Master who depends on his begging bowl for the few bits of fish flake that sink to the aquarium’s bottom. However, there is HONOUR, there is PRESTIGE. I, of course, as President of the Hall have been asked to be the judge of the award, a duty I take with the utmost solemnity.
So, any takers?
I might enter the award myself – but don’t worry, under a pseudonym of course – I don’t want to receive any “favours” from the judge. My work is a philosophical but witty tome entitled Zen and the Art of Aquarium Maintenance. It’s central theme is the importance of a good pH balance. Sounds like a winner!
My main competition in the award will probably come from a barracuda (Barry the Barracuda) who has written a terrific (unpublished, fairly boring in parts) novel about a road tripping macho loner-type swordfish who falls in love with an anchovy entitled “My Tattoo Spells Anchovy”. It is a sensitive, post-modern, ironic portrait about unrequited love – the anchovy is lesbian and just wants to be friends. I won’t give the ending away in case it gets published, except to say the rejected swordfish turns very broody, very angry with the world, picking fights to dull his existential pain. (Let’s face it he turns into a full-on psycho – there’s a spectacular (tragic) fight scene with a Great White Shark on the last page.) Now, I hope I haven’t spoilt it.