Category Archives: Fish I don't approve of

Sick goldfish

Goldfish have no pride, no class, no self-respect at all.

When I was in the pet shop, before George bought me, I had to watch some inbred goldfish neighbours all day long. (Have you any idea how boring watching aquariums can be – like daytime TV!) Anyway, these goldfish swam around with long trails of poo coming from their rears. Only when something bumped it off or it grew so heavy that even gravity couldn’t stand it any more, did the poo dislodge. Not even humans would do that. Well, perhaps not most of them.

Disgusting! Why do people buy them? I don’t wish to carp (fish joke), but goldfish really are pathetic. And they really do reinforce the unfair prejudice that all fish are stupid.

No, not all fish are stupid. Some fish are stupid. Goldfish are stupid! It’s true, they have the attention span of a nano second. How else do you explain the poo? They’ve forgotten they’ve gone to the toilet!

Goldfish suck! Don’t buy them.

goldfish poo

Evidence for the prosecution

If you’re a member of Facebook you can share this blog by clicking on the link below.

Advertisements

Salmon breeding (again)

The Guardian reports that salmon numbers have increased against expectations.

I suppose this is good news. But you really have to wonder sometimes if salmon should be encouraged. I mean they’re erratic at the best of times (some might unkindly describe them as unstable – I would). Just consider their pathetic lifestyle – can’t decide if they’re fresh water or sea creatures. Up the river to breed then back out to sea. That’s no life – especially for the kids. But of course, as all fish know the real reason why salmon numbers went down for the past few years is the fact they have problems in the bedroom department, so to speak.

Maybe it was something in the water but I have it on good authority (I am PRESIDENT of the Wise Colin Fish Hall of Fame) that salmon stopped breeding because of a collective decision brought on by the fact that they are bored with the sameness of their nuptial routine.

“Must we go to that same old river,” salmon everywhere declared. “I sick of spawning there. It gives me gravel rash. Maybe we could go in the Bahamas instead.”

This, alas, was a typical comment. Fortunately (or unfortunately) some smart salmon mentioned the “e” word (extinction). Kind of focuses the mind. So salmon are back at it again.

Same old, same old.

Sardines seek fame

The same old con job. Guinness Book of Records hopefuls.

Sucked in again! You sardines fall for the same old trick every time. All they have to say is, “You want to break the record?” And you hop straight in the can. These humans are conning you, sardines – it’s got nothing to do with the Guinness Book of Records.

Take Wise Colin’s advice – fame just ain’t worth it.

When good things happen to bad fish

Trevor the Trout intrepid in-depth reporter and Wise Colin’s NZ correspondent sends this news item on homo sapiens’ attempt to rid Koi from New Zealand waterways.

LAKE ROTORUA, NEW ZEALAND:

Bay of Plenty, Lake Rotorua

Koi, distant carp relatives of goldfish (boo hiss), like the unwanted guests they are, have intruded themselves into some lakes and rivers and become pests, making life tough for local NZ aquatic species.

I spoke to a number of local lake residents, who out of fear for their safety, requested their real identities be concealed.

‘Mary’ a rainbow trout from Lake Rotorua says, “Things used to be peaceful around here – I mean, this is trout paradise. But since the koi have come there has been no end of trouble. They stir up mud and rip out plants – at times the turbidity is so dreadful I can hardly see my kids. These koi are like bikie gangs and football hooligans combined. No-one’s safe.”

‘Harold’ a brown trout from the lake agrees, “A simple house party is a thing of the past. The koi gate-crash your party every time and before you know it your place is trashed. I’m glad they’re clearing them out. Good luck to the humans, I say.”

Trevor the Trout, ace reporter, convincing terrified trout to speak out about koi.



Why goldfish suck

Goldfish have no pride, no class, no self-respect at all.

When I was in the pet shop, before George bought me, I had to watch some inbred goldfish neighbours all day long. (Have you any idea how boring watching aquariums can be – like daytime TV!) Anyway, these goldfish swam around with long trails of poo coming from their rears. Only when something bumped it off or it grew so heavy that even gravity couldn’t stand it any more, did the poo dislodge. Not even humans would do that. Well, perhaps not most of them.

Disgusting! Why do people buy them? I don’t wish to carp (fish joke), but goldfish really are pathetic. And they really do reinforce the unfair prejudice that all fish are stupid.

No, not all fish are stupid. Some fish are stupid. Goldfish are stupid! It’s true, they have the attention span of a nano second. How else do you explain the poo? They’ve forgotten they’ve gone to the toilet!

Goldfish suck! Don’t buy them.

goldfish poo

Evidence for the prosecution



If you’re a member of Facebook you can share this blog by clicking on the link below.

Joke Duel

The following duel is a result of negative comments allegedly made by me, Wise Colin, regarding the feeble-mindedness of goldfish.
______________________________________________________________

Let me set the scene.

Dawn. A deserted park. Mist slowly clears. Two small aquariums sit on a table.

Colin, seconded by his trusty fish-whisperer and human companion George gets ready for the challenge. Whilst nearby, goldfish Alistair and his human goldfish-fancier Lance, also prepare.

The time for the duel approaches. Grim-faced, the seconds meet. They toss a coin to see who will go first.

Colin wins. Each fish is allowed one joke only.

Colin tells his joke.

Comedian Colin tells his joke

Colin tells his hiliarious joke

Now it is Alistair’s turn.

Alister goldfish tells his joke

The pathetic attempt of Alistair, the world's best and brightest goldfish to tell a joke. Note Lance is prompting him. Tut, tut.

VERDICT: I think I’ll let you be the judge.

The Seconds

In Colin's corner - photogenically challenged fish-whisperer, George


In Alistair's corner - goldfish fancier, handler and mentor, Lance



Goldfish spite.

Will you goldfish pathetics stop spamming my email – I know it’s you!

Why Colin is at war with goldfish?

Why is Colin is at war with goldfish?

See blog “Goldfish have no pride.”