Category Archives: Humor

Fussy Eaters

Sharks are fussy eaters. They seem not to like humans much. I think the problem with humans is that their meat tastes so bad (too many chemicals). In the interest of shark health I suggest that human swimmers should be labelled (like other meat is labelled) so the sharks know what they’re eating. Chemical-free type vegetarians, for example, could be stamped “organically certified”.

Just a thought.

Wise Colin


An insult to all rabbits

Population seven billion! Wake up humans, or better still, cross your legs! This can’t go on. As one commentator recently said you’re “at it like rabbits”.

This last remark of course is highly offensive to rabbits.  A rabbit I know…(George, my human keeps rabbits as well – how weird can this guy get?)  Anyway, I digress.  George parked this rabbit on a chair next to my aquarium.  The rabbit and I struck up a conversation.

I’ve learnt rabbit. It’s not too hard. Most fish speak numerous languages and are experts at cross-species communications  – all that fish oil, makes us intelligent. I tried some telepathic rabbit whispering for a bit but their train of thought jumps all over the place (what do you expect from rabbits). And a little like this post – must be the rabbit influence, even just thinking about them makes your thoughts hop .

Anyway this rabbit – between chews on its carrot – says he is sick of lewd references to rabbit reproductive practices by humans. In fact, the rabbit said that he found the whole situation a source of great irony.

THOUGHT HOP: Yes, the rabbit actually used that expression “a source of great irony” or at least the rabbit equivalent. Rabbits are better educated these days.

The rabbit said that it was ironic that humans use the saying “at it like rabbits” because rabbits have their own term “at it like homo sapiens” when they are describing promiscuous behaviour.

THOUGHT HOP: A behaviour I might add they don’t approve of. Rabbits are rather prudish in matters of sex. In fact the rabbit told me they don’t like it at all. He said they only do it because they sleep walk a lot. He said it was all very disturbing because they never know who they will wake up next to.

Anyway, as far as humans are concerned I think the rabbit was right. “At it like homo sapiens” should be the new catch-cry. Seven billion kind of proves it.

FINAL THOUGHT HOP: For those of you interested in other species communication, rabbits do not talk like Bugs Bunny at all. They sound much more like Marlon Brando in “The Godfather”.

See, you learn something new every day.

Salmon breeding (again)

The Guardian reports that salmon numbers have increased against expectations.

I suppose this is good news. But you really have to wonder sometimes if salmon should be encouraged. I mean they’re erratic at the best of times (some might unkindly describe them as unstable – I would). Just consider their pathetic lifestyle – can’t decide if they’re fresh water or sea creatures. Up the river to breed then back out to sea. That’s no life – especially for the kids. But of course, as all fish know the real reason why salmon numbers went down for the past few years is the fact they have problems in the bedroom department, so to speak.

Maybe it was something in the water but I have it on good authority (I am PRESIDENT of the Wise Colin Fish Hall of Fame) that salmon stopped breeding because of a collective decision brought on by the fact that they are bored with the sameness of their nuptial routine.

“Must we go to that same old river,” salmon everywhere declared. “I sick of spawning there. It gives me gravel rash. Maybe we could go in the Bahamas instead.”

This, alas, was a typical comment. Fortunately (or unfortunately) some smart salmon mentioned the “e” word (extinction). Kind of focuses the mind. So salmon are back at it again.

Same old, same old.

Ceci n’est pas une pipe

Step right up, step right up.

Let me set the scene.

As a tribute to mime master Marcel Marceau, street performer and Siamese fighting fish Wise Colin will now perform his impersonation of the  Belgium surrealist artist René Magritte’s painting of the smoker’s pipe.

Promenading French-speaking fans gather about his aquarium and stare in awe. Cheers go up from the crowd, thrilled by his performance. Meanwhile  a snooty-nosed art critic from a nearby gallery strolls past and joins the crowd. He makes a disparaging remark.

Colin is unperturbed.

Busker Wise Colin does a smoker's pipe.

Note Colin’s intense concentration. You can almost see him think.

Clown fish

Wise Colin attends a clown workshop

Lone Ranger Fish

Who is that masked fish?  Why it’s the Lone Ranger fish!

Incognito fish stalks underwater prairie after watching too many 1950s TV re-runs.

(Shhh! Don’t tell anyone, but it’s actually Wise Colin heavily in disguise.)

How to Hypnotise a Goldfish

At last, see how an expert hypnotises a goldfish!