Wise Colin attends a clown workshop.
Wise Colin hopes to star in any re-make of Finding Nemo.
A convincing argument for raising the legal drinking age for goldfish.
Yes, I think a twelve step program is definitely called for.
As President of the Wise Colin’s Fish Hall of Fame I wish to announce a new book award – the WC Award (Wise Colin – not water closet).
This award is open to fish only. There is no prize money. I am but a poor Zen Master who depends on his begging bowl for the few bits of fish flake that sink to the aquarium’s bottom. However, there is HONOUR, there is PRESTIGE. I, of course, as President of the Hall have been asked to be the judge of the award, a duty I take with the utmost solemnity.
So, any takers?
I might enter the award myself – but don’t worry, under a pseudonym of course – I don’t want to receive any “favours” from the judge. My work is a philosophical but witty tome entitled Zen and the Art of Aquarium Maintenance. It’s central theme is the importance of a good pH balance. Sounds like a winner!
My main competition in the award will probably come from a barracuda (Barry the Barracuda) who has written a terrific (unpublished, fairly boring in parts) novel about a road tripping macho loner-type swordfish who falls in love with an anchovy entitled “My Tattoo Spells Anchovy”. It is a sensitive, post-modern, ironic portrait about unrequited love – the anchovy is lesbian and just wants to be friends. I won’t give the ending away in case it gets published, except to say the rejected swordfish turns very broody, very angry with the world, picking fights to dull his existential pain. (Let’s face it he turns into a full-on psycho – there’s a spectacular (tragic) fight scene with a Great White Shark on the last page.) Now, I hope I haven’t spoilt it.
Zen Master Wise Colin, whilst mediating on a hole in a piece of Swiss cheese left near his aquarium after a dinner party, is inspired to invent a new meditation technique. He calls it the yodel om.
For best results Wise Colin suggests that humans practise this technique by standing one-legged on a mountain top.
Calling all Beta splendens! Come and visit Wise Colin, the most splendid Siamese Fighting fish of them all. See Colin take on Alistair, the world’s brightest goldfish in a deadly joke duel. See Wise Colin take on Einstein.
See Colin take on road signs. See Colin take on aliens. In fact. see Colin take on everything – fighter that he is.
Yes, even Zen Masters can have thoughts of the flesh. After all, they are only human – I mean fish.
Here, Zen Master Wise Colin, his mind temporarily lured away from street signs, has a thought which is lustful, lewd, lascivious, lecherous, indecent, impure, immodest, illicit, unseemly, coarse, smutty, sordid, obscene, disgraceful, distasteful, depraved, debauched, disgusting, dirty, degenerate, repulsive, tawdry, venal, gross, rancid…you get the idea.