Wise Colin attends a clown workshop.
Wise Colin hopes to star in any re-make of Finding Nemo.
A convincing argument for raising the legal drinking age for goldfish.
Yes, I think a twelve step program is definitely called for.
The Guardian reports that salmon numbers have increased against expectations.
I suppose this is good news. But you really have to wonder sometimes if salmon should be encouraged. I mean they’re erratic at the best of times (some might unkindly describe them as unstable – I would). Just consider their pathetic lifestyle – can’t decide if they’re fresh water or sea creatures. Up the river to breed then back out to sea. That’s no life – especially for the kids. But of course, as all fish know the real reason why salmon numbers went down for the past few years is the fact they have problems in the bedroom department, so to speak.
Maybe it was something in the water but I have it on good authority (I am PRESIDENT of the Wise Colin Fish Hall of Fame) that salmon stopped breeding because of a collective decision brought on by the fact that they are bored with the sameness of their nuptial routine.
“Must we go to that same old river,” salmon everywhere declared. “I sick of spawning there. It gives me gravel rash. Maybe we could go in the Bahamas instead.”
This, alas, was a typical comment. Fortunately (or unfortunately) some smart salmon mentioned the “e” word (extinction). Kind of focuses the mind. So salmon are back at it again.
Same old, same old.
Alistair, the world’s brightest goldfish has a party while his owner Lance is away.
Note their party animal behaviour and bad spelling.
Wise Colin wasn’t invited.
Some customers can be hard to please. Here Wise Colin, bartender extraordinaire, uses his Zen skills of patience and tolerance in engaging with a difficult goldfish customer. Others would have resorted to violence.
The course of true love seldom runs smoothly.
BARD’S FULL CONFESSION
BARD REVEALS ALL
BARD COMES CLEAN
BARD ADMITS TRUTH
SHAKESPEARE TELLS ALL
SHAKESPEARE SPILLS THE BEANS
SHAKESPEARE’S SCANDALOUS REVELATION
Just how many tabloid headlines do you want?
OK, homo sapiens, it’s been centuries and YOU have failed.
But a FISH has got the scoop!
In an exclusive interview with TV host and superstar, Wise Colin, the ghost of Shakespeare discloses the shocking truth.